My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
