I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I can text with my tongue
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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