I just saw a hot homeless man
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
