I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
that may or may not have been my penis.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
