I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
