Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
