@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize