it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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