We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
