lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
