When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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