Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
