the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
