the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
