So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
