Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
