i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
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