If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
