i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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