I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
