ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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