I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
