oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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