no, he came in my armpit
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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