im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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