it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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