i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
