Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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