The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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