I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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