Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
