He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
