apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
