Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize