I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
