I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
