just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
