I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
don't judge my taste in strippers
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
