and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
