did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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