He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
