im having a threesome with these popsicles
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
