I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She said her name was "party"
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
