She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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