I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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