I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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