First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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