careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
