and you said cock pushups were impossible
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
