Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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