Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
