Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
