I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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