he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
farters have to be the big spoon...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
