I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
