yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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