omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
