My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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