It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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