Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
