You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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