Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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