If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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