if you like me you must not know who I am
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
