Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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