whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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