dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
