i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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