everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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