im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
