I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
3 2 1 whiskey
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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