It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
