I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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