I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
