matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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