I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
