White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
