There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
