I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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