I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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