If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
