zippers are such a cool invention
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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