haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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