What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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