My balls are so social today.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
