We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize