No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
