If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
