I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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