Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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