i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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