My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize