After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize