I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
