so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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