The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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