distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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