if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
