I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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