i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
