I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
